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Michelle Pfeiffer - (The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs
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Front step cha cha cha 
Back step cha cha cha
Side step front step back and turn

Oh my god, Penny there's Link... Link
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning
I cant believe I'm really here watching you audition

Front step cha cha cha 
Back step cha cha cha
Side step front step back and oh.. 
Amber look at this motly crew
Oh this town's sure gone down hill since I was crowned Miss... 

Oh mother, not more ancient history

Oh my God how times have changed
These girls must be blind 
or completely deranged
but time seem to halt 
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs

Amber, that move is far too dirty
Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930

You can laugh but life's a test
don't do this don't do that
Remember mother knows best
But the crown's in vault from when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

These steps are perfect ammunition
Let me show you how your Mommy dear took out the competion

Girls go get them, boys lets rumba
1,2,3,4,5,6,7

Those poor runner-ups 
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their 'cups' 
But I screwed the judges 
Those broads thought they'd win 
If a plate they would spin in their dance 
Not a chance!

Boys put me down !
Oh good morning ladies lets see what you got 

Twist Twist Twist Twist Mashed potato Mambo
Ready Begin

On my show you'll never find
A thrusting hip or bump or grind
Whats that a dance for fleas and ticks
ohh you should of seen my bag of tricks

ohh I hit the stage 
Batons ablaze 
While belting Aida
And preparing souffles! 
But that triple somersault 
Was how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Proceed... 
Are you scared we're on live? 
No, I'm sure I can cope! 
Well, this show isn't broadcast 
in......Cinemascope! 
I never drank one chocolate malt 
no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

This one will never get a date
In those hand-me-down clothes
Ha.. Kid she'll never get a date 'til daddy buys her a new nose
I would say Oy Gevalt 
If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs

Do you dance like you dress
Amber there's no need to be cruel
Would you swim in an integrated pool?

I sure would. 
I'm all for integration, 
it's The New Frontier! 

Not in Baltimore it isn't! And may I be frank? 

First impressions can be tough 
And when I saw you, I knew it 
If your size weren't enough 
Your last answer just blew it! 

And so, my dear, so short and stout 
You'll never be in
So we're kicking you out

With your form and your face
oh well it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of Miss
BALTIMORE CRABS

Eh, you may go.
Um, thank you.
I think they secretly liked you.

May I please audition?
Of course not,
but you may bow and exhalt,
Cause I am
MISS BALTIMORE CRABS